Shot Down Twice....

I am still sweating itermittently.  Today, I gathered up my nicest pieces and a touch screen to follow up on two local boutiques who "were" interested in my jewelry for their shops.This photo sums it up:

Shot down by both. At least the Sunflowers Places pretended to be interested. Off the Hanger barely looked at my pieces.

Disheartening,

They said they have locals, I am about as local as one can get.

I did have a chance to study the pieces that were on display. Way over priced and some of them were not handcrafted but very easily bought from china on the Bidding Sites. I saw some beads that were comprising many earrings nd necklaces, all cheap acrylic from Asia. These have historically ben the beads I either destash and give to the children in the neighborhood or toss out. 

Oh well. I have confidence in my work and my components, and wspecially my pieces. They are one of a kids, good quality and they have a lot of epersonality

It is funny, I tried to leave the door open for the first of the year, Surely they could make room by then, Not even a card was offered. Not a speck of hope. 

Live and learn.

PS I am not bitter, I just feel bad for those who shop there thinking they ae getting some kind of deal  They are getting a deal areight, The back side of an "artist" making jewelry for pennies and selling for inexplicable amoutns to the shop deals heo in turn increase;

Not my style.

Not my bag

So, i guess it was a unversal favor. Helping me to 

Middle of the Night, Thinking & Sweating

Still Sweating....

Can't Sleep....

Surfing around the internet space

I found a page referring to meep.

Cool I say. 

Related to jewelry? You betcha. 
I am trying to implement Fibonacci into my designs. 

This is a musical depiction of fibonacci which is really nice. 
He was on to something







made earrings tonight and will post. But first how about some treats for the kiddies. Here is a sample of my Pokemon Zipper Pulls. Great for Jackets, School Back Packs, purses, and the kids love pokemon. Each one has a crystal or high quality set of beads, High quality wire. These are a small sample. If they go over well, expect about 150 more to be coming. 4 dollar a piece and 3 for 10. Great Stocking stuffers for school aged kids, unisex. Great for the grown ups who still love those little monsters.

\

Can't Beat a good Zipper Pull.

Tomorrow I will post the first of my Dark Green and white Bracelet and the new design on dangle earrings in pink and celestial crystal.

Enjoy the music

CiaoStay Human

Jewelry, Flu, Doctors, Drugs & Fear

Anqa Jewelry Http://www.AnqaJewelry.Etsy.com

October 8, 2014

First Part

My apologies for not writing sooner. I have been sick. Flu, pneumonia. Fever with rattling lungs, hot flashes, Robitussin DM hallucinations of bunnies and other furry creatures. At least they are cute. Today, I was able to get up and shower and go to my PTSD/psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. I was so disappointed when I left. She stopped my Klonopin today. Its like the one thing that calms down my surface anxiety. When that is calm I can function well, the deeper Problems may come up but I can deal with them more productively. 

I always come to this impasse with about 90 percent of my practitioners. They do not want to accept the fact, that in many ways I DO know what is best for me. I have had Anxiety and Issues with Trauma all of my life. I am a grown woman. I cannot fix my broken parts with out help from more knowledgeable people but I do know how I need to live in order to function through the day to day monotonous activities. Without some kind of benzodiazepine I will end up within a little bit of time in a full Derealization State and all it has to offer me.

I told her I would trust her and so far I have 100 percent. I am taking the newer Antidepressant. I am taking her Gabapentin. I took the Vitamin D supplements. I try not to think to far into the future, I try to stay away from what ifs/ However, this is a big one. What if I am right in this, and after a week or so I go into a full DR (Derealization) State. My life will become paralyzed. I will not be making Jewelry. I will not be going to cub scout meetings with my sons. When the Panic and DR takes over, I become a prisoner inside my head. Only concerned with how to stop it. How to make it stop. I will be in a permanently terrified state of being. Terrified of nothing yet everything. Mostly that it will not go away. I do know myself. I know what is at stake. I hope she is right. I hope that this time I am wrong.

I have had this flu or whatever for about a week. So, I have not posted any jewelry nor have I made anything. Today it seems like it is wanting to leave my body. Aside from a headache, nasty phlegmonous coughing and constant sweating, I am okay. I think I should try to make something soon, meaning today or at the latest tomorrow because if I am going to check out for a while, I should have done something to get my Etsy store through with new pieces before I cannot do it.

Interesting fact: Synonyms for Phlegm are:

affectlessness, emotionlessness, impassiveness, impassivity, insensibility, numbness, apathy

Yeah thats about what I feel when I am sick with this productive coughing, Interesting that apathy is there. 

Second Part

I made a video a few years ago, just toward the end of one of my DP/DR episodes. I am sure it was either just after the episode which lasted from 2007 til late 2008/early 2009 I wonder if I can post it here.  Oh that was easy. When you watch it, notice the way I try to explain the verbally unexplainable "features" of the way DR/DP make me experience life. It feels like I am just a set of eyes.  Eyes stuck in a mass of fear, not fear but a terrifying state and inexplicable sensations and mental feelings. Its no surprise I cannot produce or create during that time. 

However, Drugs did help me, but they are illegal and not good for long term. They take your money and make you need them more than you even need life. In all candor,  I fear that if the Doctors, even with good intentions, are putting me at risk for using again. If I go into an episode, I am afraid I will go back and use if I am not given what I know that I need to get out of it again.

On that happy note, I am thinking about deep pine greens and white. Like winter snow in the mountains. Perhaps a little gray for the sky.  Grey will be good to blend the two other colors, but it might pop more with a clear sunny blue sky.  Now that is two ideas. 

Would like to go for three. The first word that popped into my head was caterpillar. I will look at some caterpillar photos. Try to get some inspiration...I am always, I mean ALWAYS, hungry for inspiration. If you have a photo on line that has good colors and interesting color combinations, it could be nature or architecture or anything else..Please comment or send it to me. I am always open to ideas, critiques (good and bad), advice and anything that will motivate me in jewelry designing and also in life. I hope this blog to be wide open that everyone is involved. I shudder at the idea I am just writing to space. But then again, space is pretty amazing too.

Until Next time.....

As a good friend used a sign off whenever he ended his transmissions from Gaza to Italy, and the world, I would so like to use his sign off without crediting him.

Vik, My Brother, My friend

Vittorio Arrigoni, will never be forgotten. At least by me. He wrote a book and I recommend it. Its a first person account from the the Siege on Gaza 2008/09  Vik's Book Gaza Stay Human

It was a very good book. Its a quick read but I read it very slowly trying to hear his voice as I read his words, his description of the Palestine is the Palestine that still exists within me. The people as he saw them, I see them still. Even today, after all these years away from that small piece of land in the brutality of being neighbor and Oppressed of "I". Cannot even bring myself to say the name any more. 

I have made many pieces of Jewelry inspired by Palestine. I will talk about that in my next blog. Which I hope it will be about my process. How I find my inspiration. How I choose the style and colors and how I get about making my pieces. I  am excited to write that blog. Lets hope I can keep my anxiety low and motivation up, or better yet higher. I need a boost. 

Well, As I was saying. Vittorio A. used to end his communiques  with it and I should like to borrow it for this blog at times, when I am feeling as I do today.

Stay Human,

Calista

Jewelry, The Flu & Home Baked Bread

Yesterday I sat down to make some Halloween Jewelry. Not yesterday as it is almost 4:30 AM. My oldest boy was very sick with a cold or the flu. He was hit hard. He lay on his blankets on the living room floor like it was some 12 year old girls' sleepover. I was not feeling so bad so I made about 8 pairs of earrings. The rest of the day I was doing the doting mom thing, Refilling fluids, dispenser or aspirin (he will not take anything else)..

I made some nice pieces.

 By the time the younger boys were fed and showered, I was too tired to post. 

So these were posted on September 30th.

I have flash-forwarded because it is now October first and I have what my son had yesterday. Its my turn to lay down with pillows. 

I know I should be making some jewelry but I think I am at the zenith of this Flu. So, I best lay down. I will close my eyes and think of new designs. Its about all I can  do. Its 11:34 AM and I cannot keep my eyes open. 

More Later......                                                                                                                              

The Tokens - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

That song was in my head all morning. I think its gone now. Last night I slept 7 hours. That is quite an accomplishment. The last month or more I have been mostly not sleeping or just napping at night. Never getting any true sleep. There is a medical reason for it but lets not go there now. 

The Point is I slept last night. I woke up feeling, um how do I say it, I felt normal. No Screaming myself awake, no panic, no depression. No gasping and wondering what to do for the next few hours. I woke up normal and made some coffee, and got straight to work on my Etsy shop. I attempted to work last night  but the sleeping nods were out. How many times I tried to list one item.I would be almost finished and Bam, either my face slammed the keyboard or the PC (which is a monitor with CPU built in to it) crashing to the floor, first hitting my arm or lap or whatever body part was in its way at he time. 

If anyone saw me they would say she s on some some strong drugs. Funny thing is I was not. nor am I ever. I just sleep or nod out at all the inopportune times like during conversations or while i am trying to work, or at my boys' scouts meetings...one reason I do not drive too much.

But last night this song was for me. the Lion Sleeps tonight. I can only get through about a minute of it before it starts to increase my hypervigiliance,. But you get the idea. 

Yesterday I took many photos and had the intention of posting to Esty. Well, I was able to post today. But today was actually meant for getting my Store's Name and existence out there. I have 433 friends in face book and I think everyone aside for 4 or 5 people are too busy building three more  farms or playing name that tune. No one is helping me boost my store. its Disappointing to me really. But its okay, my project for the weekend is going to be weaning out my friends list and wean it to friends and people who actually give a shit that i exist.

I have not had the chance to make anything. No rings or bracelets or necklaces and  I am starting to feel that creative streak scream my name...hey CALISTA where are you, Bring some wire and some of that new blown glass with the tiny flowers indie, and bring some nice yellow crystals. Do not forget the pliers dear. Come on now, get away from the computer, stop listing and worrying about that math stuff. 

I am a one man army with my Jewelry. Some people probably fo not realize the tie that foes into it all, the thinking, the creating, the color mixing and the chasing of images in my mind trying to put them out on paper and in 3 dimensional form.  Then the paperwork, or computer work, the posting the pricing and the marketing. Ahhhh its a lot. Now I have this blog and I still am not doing it the way i envisioned it. I want to talk about the jewelry I am making. The process, the poetry of beads crystals and stones and wire. 

It is poetry,...I will save that for another day too. Now its time to make the rounds of my sites. and then put on my mom hat. time to cook and do homework, help study the weeblos and Wolf pack mottoes and see whats next on the badges. 

Whoever it out there, thanks for reading. 

PS there is a big SALE today until Midnight EST. IF you go to 

My Delightful Inexpensive High Quality Store

and tell me where you found the link to my jewelry, I will take 10 percent off your order.  Just tell me which piece you want to buy in a message and say Blogger. or wherever. I will then send you and invoice with 10 perent off. If you want to pay the 10 percent then don't do anything,. 

Take care and Give your Humanity a big warm hug

Anqa

What its All About

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